dramatic woman by tony culshaw
"I was scared as he kidnapped me."
22.09.2008

I'm kidnapped!

Dear Aunties,

A big man kidnapped me and locked me in a cellar without windows or telephones. I'm terrified and just want to go home.

I know my family are very concerned because I saw a clip from their TV appeal on youtube. There is also a Facebook group dedicated to finding me and my best friend put an ad on gumtree. I'm dying to let my loved ones know I'm safe.

Can you think of any methods I could use to contact the police and let them know where to rescue me from? I've got my mobile but no signal and I've tried shouting but nobody ever replies.

Anonymous
23.09.2008
Dear Anonymous,

Oooh, sorry about that! We would have been happy to help, but you didn't put a location, so it'd be hard for us to contact the police for you. I can't really think of any other way for you to get in touch with your family. Good luck!

23.09.2008
Dear Anonymous,

Oh come on! The answer is so obvious!

All you need is a homing pigeon and a roof with a hole in it. If you can't find any paper write a text on your mobile, save it to drafts and then strap the phone to the bird.

Alternatively you could use a saucepan to bang on the wall in morse code; I'm sure you could find a guide online.

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With thanks to Tony Culshaw for some of the photos.

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family , tv appeals , crime , agony aunt , rescue , facebook , problem page , parody , gumtree , dilemma , spoof , youtube , kidnap , police , question , advice