Looking lonely
"Help me overcome my loneliness."
17.12.2007

Potions - Helping uglies bump uglies since...

Dear Aunties,

I'm ugly and charmless but very lonely. Do you have any spells or potions that would help me to pick up men?

Ugly and Charmless (21), UK
18.12.2007
Dear Ugly and Charmless,

This is definitely a time for magical intervention.

Fortunately a lot of love potions are now commercially available, for example Prada Infusion D'Iris and CKin2U. However if you are unable to obtain one of these then you might like to make your own. Take same lavender, some rosemary and some rose petals, grind together whilst chanting "Je parle des bollocks" (Celtic for "True love be with me") and dab behind your ears.

There are also many spells you can use. For example, when near an object of your affection, recite "Do you come her often?" "Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" or "Do you like raisins? How about a date?."

You could also try the ancient pagan practices of washing your hair, shaving your armpits or cutting five inches off your skirt.

I've had some psychic visions and I can tell you're soon to experience some positive changes, perhaps to your scent. manner or appearance.

13.01.2009
Dear Ugly and Charmless,

The breast implant spell is quite effective. You begin it by writing a check and after a little minor surgery you will be able to spellbind men. Of course you will still be ugly but at least you'll have descent cans.

More Answered Problems
01.02.2011

My boyfriend honks my boobs

- Annoyed (25), London
30.01.2011

Can I sell my leg?

- Greg Twoleggs (35), Hampshire, UK
30.01.2011

Will hubbie die if I don't pluck hairline?

- Rebecca (86), Glasgow, UK
30.01.2011

Did best friend spill my cucumber love secret?

- Keira (15), Somerset, UK
30.01.2011

How to avoid falling for boyfriend's mates

- Jane (17), Diss, Norfolk
29.01.2011

Women walk all over me

- Matt (53), Glossop
29.01.2011

Billy might not be my real Father

- Jenna (17), Radlington, Oxfordshire
29.01.2011

I have magic children

- Emily (42), Suffolk, UK
30.12.2009

How long before I get over my first love?

- Chloe (16), Taunton, UK
30.12.2009

I want to get a nose job to please my man

- Angel (21), Berkshire, UK
Unanswered Problems
08.10.2009

Parents won't let me go to Prague

- Emily (14), NZ
18.07.2009

Are all men vain, or is it just me?

- Ashli (22), Nether Wallop
18.07.2009

Puzzled and holey

- Puflet (48), Rivington
02.07.2009

I just can't seem to find a good man

- Abigail (25), Ambleside, Cumbria
02.07.2009

How to stop customers leaving Vordafone

- Marcus (18), Bracknell, UK
04.04.2009

Can I sell my leg hair?

- Nettie (28), Kent, UK
Recent Activity (...)
Peppersalt commented on Can I sell my leg hair?
Peppersalt commented on How to stop customers leaving Vordafone
Peppersalt commented on Parents won't let me go to Prague
john coolie says commented on Should I cut off my penis?
Jayne Fott replied to My boyfriend honks my boobs
Psychic Psindy replied to Can I sell my leg?
Vatasha Rupert replied to Will hubbie die if I don't pluck hairline?
Psychic Psindy replied to How to avoid falling for boyfriend's mates

Agony Aunties
Auntie Kaitlin
American to the core
27 responses
Vatasha Rupert
Trendy and bendy
24 responses
Mrs Ginger
Just wants what's best
22 responses
Jayne Fott
Psychologist
21 responses
Brad the Lad
Charm is his middle name
20 responses
Professor Tommy
Practical & sympathetic
18 responses
Psychic Psindy
Mystical
17 responses
Uncle Luke
Talents yet to be unfolded
13 responses
Auntie Richbob
Retired
7 responses
Judge Gaw
Budding lawyer
4 responses
Dr Alice
Trainee medical student
2 responses

Models
Louise Anderson-Clemence
First rate model
Model with digitally removed breasts
Unnamed
Model with digitally removed breasts
With thanks to Tony Culshaw for some of the photos.

Valid XHTML 1.0 Transitional Valid CSS!

[Valid RSS]


potions , dilemma , relationships , advice , agony aunt , ugly , magical , parody , lavender , spells , pagan , question , problem page , spoof , lonely , supernatural