There are only two things that are important to me in this world: my girlfriend Phoebe and biggest eater competitions.
I recently came top in my regional pork pie eating contest and have secured a place in the nationals. However I told Phoebe, who is Jewish, that I had stopped eating pork, and I have done, apart from contests and training.
Will I have to choose between my two great passions? What would you do in my situation?
It seems to me you have two separate challenges: the first is to train yourself up in readiness for the national contest; the second is to stop Phoebe worrying about how kosher you are.
My recommendation is to eat Phoebe, thus killing two birds with one stone.
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