My boyfriend wants me to talk dirty to him by SMS! I don't even know where to begin. Got any pointers?

The council has offered me a generous sum of money to move my penis to make way for a new dual carriage way. I'm happy with the arrangement in principle but don't know where I would put it....

My girlfriend kissed a girl and then wrote a hit single about how much she liked it.

Why do I feel insecure? Is it because I'm jealous of her success?

What should I have for dinner tonight? I'm a libra.

I read that men should put threesomes on their CVs on the grounds that there is no greater achievement for a man.

I...

I have to use speech recognition soft wear because I went to the zoo and a fierce Thai girl bit off both my arms.

The amp potato was very painful and now I look like a Hugh Jass....

My husband is dying of cancer. If I keep his ear will scientists be able to clone me a new Alfie like they did with Mrs McKinney's dog?

A man in Wales just became a local hero for stumbling across the body of a missing vicar and reporting it to the police. Personally I don't think he earned his fame.

I've been looking for...