Stupid spoof problem page destroys lives

I represent insect-torturing equipment business, Ants in Agony. Your website is competing with ours for the top spot in several major search engines.

We sell things such as magnifying glasses, ant powder and hammers all at bargain prices.

We have the potential to be really big and perhaps even help Britain out of recession by creating 10,000 jobs. All that stands between Britain and prosperity is your stupid website. Money problems can result in death.

Please take down your pointless, non-profit-making problem page and replace it with a redirect to our site: www.ants-r-pants.bug.

If you do not do this within 28 days we will come to your houses with the biggest magnifying glass in the world and fry your arses to death.

Thank you for your co-operation in this matter.