"We're groing apart!"
30.12.2008
Dear Aunties,
My wife doesn't understand me. In fact, I don't think she cares about me at all.
Two years into our marriage I bought a giraffe and kept it in the garage. This involved taking out a loan to make a hole in its roof.
The following spring I took a course on page 3 modelling but it never came to anything. My wife never supported the venture and had no faith in my topless posing abilities, whatsoever.
Last year I decided to live upside down as a protest against the right way up world and now I walk everywhere on my hands.
Why doesn't my wife support me? We used to be so close but now I feel like we're not even on the same planet, let alone wave length! What can I do about her unreasonable behaviour?
Ryan (42), Kent, UK
21.03.2009
Dear Ryan,
Your wife sounds like a nightmare - what better excuse to have an affair?
You probably won't meet someone who shares your interests because let's face it, you are a freak, but it's best to keep mistresses at arms' length anyway, so this sounds like an ideal time to start something up with a secretary or perhaps one of your colleagues from your modelling days.