Showing problems sent during August 2008
16.08.2008

Bird just won't croak

Dear Aunties,

Despite my best efforts, my girlfriend just won't die. I've tried sneaking poison into her food, infecting her with diseases, pushing her in front of moving vehicles and carving her up with a turkey knife, but she always manages to pull through.

I can't stand going out with her; she does my head in and want to move on but don't want to break up because I'm afraid of hurting her.

Bernard (27), Suffolk, UK
25.08.2008
Dear Bernard,

If she's survived poison, disease, road traffic accidents and stabbing, she may be immortal. There tend to be nasty consequences for humans who mess about with the gods: I'd stay with her and be nice.

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