I was never a calm child, but when I hit 21 I started having homicidal tendencies and I'd killed three people by the time I was 25. I have been in a secure institution for the criminally insane ever since.
During that time I've seen the most pathetic people make the news headline, whilst my own activities have become of less and less interest to the public. I can't even remember the last time FHM asked me to do a cover shoot.
However, over the last three years I have been approached twice by Judge Judy and once by Big Brother about appearing on their shows. My psychiatrist doesn't think I should be granted parole but I think it is my basic human right to participate in reality TV if I chose.
What can I do to make my dream come true?
Fret not, Channel 4 have announced "Big Brother - JAIL." It's going to be based on a cross between Zimbardo (1971) prison study and "Celebrity Big Brother."
Ten notorious villains will be locked in a jail together. The last one standing will be granted release.
If the show is a success then US states may well adopt the show as an alternative to capital punishment.
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