I've heard that a big man plans to sneak into my house, steal mince pies, vegetables and booze then leave suspicious packages under my tree. I've tried telling the police but they just don't...

The only thing that turns me on is Her Majesty's Christmas speech. I've tried porn, sex with a partner and oysters but nothing hits the spot better than watching old Liz standing in front of a...

I orgasm whenever I hear a Christmas cracker. Why is this and how can I stop it from happening before I embarrass myself?

I was wondering if you could tell me what this mist that my mate Mark is sniffing might be. It only appears in photos of us serving Not-Christmas dinner. Is it a spirit or just a trick of the...

I have a new born baby and am having trouble making ends meet. The poor bugger was even born in a stable without proper medical assistance. Is it possible to sue the father for maintenance? I...

I have a chubby three month old baby with a white beard and rosy cheeks. She's adorable. The problem is, I don't know who the father is as I was drinking a lot over Christmas last year and got...

My bird has the flu. Does she need to be slaughtered? And if not, how else can I get rid of the bitch in time for mistletoe merriment?