I want my breast milk made into ice cream

Dear Aunties,

I read in The Independent that animal rights group, Peta, are urging Ben and Jerry's to make their ice cream from human breast milk instead of dairy, believing it is cruel to forcefully impregnate cows to make them produce milk.

Apparently the chef, Hans Locher pays women £3 for 400ml of breast milk to go in his sauces, so it could be a nice little earner.

This seems like an excellent opportunity to raise money and protect animals. The only problem is that I'm not lactating. How can this be fixed?

Reply Edit

Gemma (23), Berwickshire, UK

28.09.2008

Dear Gemma,

Why not become a surrogate for someone? Not only will this help you lactate (which in turn will help you protect animals and raise money), you'll also get a nice chunk of change for being someone's baby mama.

I got this idea from watching "Ugly Betty." Really, everyone should watch more telenovelas, they have the answers to all of life's problems.

from Auntie Kaitlin

28.09.2008

Dear Gemma,

Have a baby to start your milk flowing. If it's a boy, have it killed at birth; if it's a girl feed her with what's left of your milk after more important functions (ice cream production) are complete and then start your own chain by forcefully impregnating her using a sperm bank, as soon as she reaches puberty. Even animal rights extremists should be OK with that.

from Vatasha Rupert