The only thing that turns me on is Her Majesty's Christmas speech. I've tried porn, sex with a partner and oysters but nothing hits the spot better than watching old Liz standing in front of a Christmas tree, articulating her thoughts on the year.
Whilst I can't wait for my annual orgasm in three weeks time, I am frustrated that I only get my kicks once a year. Can you think of any tips and tricks to improve was masturbatory life?
Man, Liz is hot for her age but there are lots of better bods out there to choose from. I suggest finding a tasty 18 year old and sticking a crown on her head. Perhaps it's just the sense of royalty that gets you off?
Alternatively, clench two coins in your eye sockets when you're having sex and you'll be able to see her majesty in stereo!
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