I have to watch gay men shagging weekly

I am a toilet. It's not the greatest existence but I've been a toilet all of my life and I don't know anything different. My father was a toilet and his father before him.

As toilets go I have quite a glamorous job - I work in a club in Oxfordshire. During my time I've pressed my seatless porcelain rim against many beautiful women's bottoms.

However on Friday nights I have to endure something much worse than women relieving themselves - gay men shagging in my cubicle.

Call me old fashioned but it's just not natural watching two men bump uglies. Having to witness this every week is crushing my soul.

Is there anything I can do?