My boyfriend supports The Arse

Dear Aunties,

After six months of what seemed like blissful happiness I found out that my boyfriend is a closet Arsenal fan.

Over the summer he managed to keep up the pretense that he was mildly interested in Tottenham signings but had no great interest in football but when the new season started, he could conceal his inner gooner no more.

It all came to a head last Saturday when I found him in his flat surrounded by holes he had punched in the walls. At first he told me he'd lost his job, then he told me his granddad had died and finally he tried to fob me off by pretending to be dying of cancer. But I knew it had to be something serious and then I saw his computer - he'd just looked up the Arsenal v Fulham result!

What shall I do? This mismatch of football allegiances is certainly going to cause a massive rift between us but I don't want my otherwise functional relationship to end. He is the gentlest, most honest man I've ever met. Am I deluding myself with thoughts of this working?

Reply Edit

Spurs Fan (24), North London

14.01.2009

Dear Spurs Fan,

There is no greater threat to a relationship than conflicting football allegiances. Some choices we make, such as religion and political leanings, are quite arbitrary and meaningless, however the football team we support represents the very core of our soul.

You could try bleaching his football shirts and embroidering cockerels onto his bed sheets but basically your relationship is doomed. You can take the man out of The Emirates but you can't take The Emirates out of the man.

from Brad the Lad