What Men REALLY Mean

What he says / What he really means

"ABCDEFG." = Beer, tits, wank, football, wank, threesome, booze.

"Hello girlfriend." = I acknowledge that there are two breasts in the room.

"Good evening girlfriend." - I acknowledge that there are two breasts in the room and I need artificial light to see them.

"Perhaps Columbo is a repeat." - If you don't let me watch the football I will cut the heals off all your shoes and then leave you.

"I don't want to meet your mother." - I am a commitment phobic fuckwit who will eventually leave you for another woman.

"I would really like to meet your mother." - I am an over-sensitive fuckwit who will eventually leave you for your mother.

"I find other women attractive." - I am either a power junkie who is trying to make you feel bad or a disloyal fuckwit with wandering hands.

"I don't find other women attractive." - I am a smooth talking fuckwit who lies through his teeth.

"Yabba dabba do!" - Yay I'm going to get some.

"Come on down!" - Yay I'm going to get some.

"Aha!" - Yay I'm going to get some.

"Danger, Will Robinson!" - Yay I'm going to get some.

"Oh, my God! They killed Kenny!" - Yay I'm going to get some.