I almost became a lesbian!

"By the time you realise what you've lost I'll have moved on!" I cried as I slammed down the phone. My boyfriend, Toby, had just dumped me after two years. He'd found somebody blonder.

"You are at best, dirty blonde," he told me. The worst part was that I couldn't argue with him. Even when I used bleach, my eyebrows gave me away.

"Even when I used
bleach, my eyebrows
gave me away."

That night I went out with one agenda - to get hammered. It was in the back of my mind that perhaps I'd have some rebound sex but how was I to know what horrors lay in store?

I called up my best mate Pam, but she said "Sorry Debbie, no can do. I'm having dinner with my man tonight." So it was going to be just me and several tequilas.

By the time I'd put on my best fishnet leggings it was already 10 o'clock so I only had time for six drinks at my local before closing time.

"I'm sorry love, but it's time," said the sympathetic land lord, Boris. I already knew I wasn't ready to go home.

"It wasn't a boy
at all but a girl!"

Perhaps it was my inebriated state that stopped my from asking Boris to suggest another bar, I do not know, but one thing lead to another and I ended up in a pub I had never been to before called The Jolly Milkmaid.

Before long my leggings got to work and I found myself being ogled by a cute boy with spiky hair. It wasn't until after we'd snogged three times that my new tonsil tennis opponent started to speak.

"Can I get you a drink?" she asked. I realised the my horror that it wasn't a boy at all but a girl!

Had I not been really thirsty I would have left right away but I really wanted another tequila. I know it's wrong to lead lesbians on but all I could think about was Toby and how he'd be kicking himself if he could see me now.

"I even took my shoes
off so that I could
run in my bare feet"

When the lesbian asked me to go home with her I began to sober up and explained that I was straight before bolting towards the door and rushing home so fast that I even took my shoes off so that I could run in my bare feet.

Now I have a new boyfriend called Ralph. We are very much in love and I can't imagine being with anybody else. I will never forget how close I came to batting for the wrong team or stop thanking my lucky stars that I found my way back to the path of true happiness. I've realised that no matter how low you go, there are enough men out there for everybody.